HGoTW: The Basket of Deplorables

Our cup runneth over, it is a banner week for douchebags provides a cornucopia to choose from. We have three prime examples today.

It has been a week of fuckery in the world, so let’s dive in…

Mike Johnson & the Republican Lapdogs

If you have successfully avoided the news swirling about the Business Records Falsification trial of the former president Trump, I stand in awe. Seriously, it is tawdry, yet riveting.

First, the fucking media and the political ecosystem has long mischaracterized this as “merely” a seamy tale of paying off a porn star to hide the one-night tryst a decade prior to the 2016 election, and in the aftermath of the bombshell revelations of the Access Hollywood tape in early October 2016, the possibility of Stormy Daniels’ tale coming out was freaking the fuck out of the campaign.

In crisis mode, they ended up funneling $130K to Stormy Daniels via her attorney.

Note: This is not illegal.

Sure, it is sketchy as fuck, but it isn’t against the law. But you know what is against the law? Using your attorney to pony up the dough, make the payoff, and then reimburse said attorney with fictitious “legal fees” payments, and to, you know, make him whole, you uplift the payment to cover the taxes that attorney who will be receiving this payment as for “services rendered” and thus being taxable income.

And that my friends is Fraud with a capital ‘F’.

And before the naysayers come in and say it is no big deal and nobody gets charged for this, you can sit the fuck down, as shit like this gets charged, prosecuted AND convicted ALL THE TIME.

You know what doesn’t happen all the time? Presidents of the United States in general DO NOT do shit like this, because if they get caught at it, it is a career ending move. But it seems that Trump defies logic.

Now that the Tangerine Rhinoceros is snoozing and farting his way through the trial, and has been found in contempt ten times, he has backed the judge into a corner. The next time he lashes out on his pissant social media site, or on one of his favorite media shows, the Judge would be forced to incarcerate him. And make no mistake, for all Trump’s bluster about wanting to be a martyr like Mandela, he if terrified of being locked up even for a minute.

So, if you are a sundowning senior citizen (emphasis on “citizen”) and needing to be a jackass and to get this jackassery done, who do you call?

Well, not Ghost Busters, but instead, you have a cadre of the idiots in Congress to pick up the asshole duties. On Monday, it was Tommy Tuberville, quite possibly the dumbest member of the Senate, and JD Vance, who once seemed to be rational, is now so far up Trump’s rectum that he knows whether he had Filet o’ Fish or a Big Mac for lunch.

But Tuesday is where I really had my jaw drop. Arriving at the courthouse to defend the bronzed twat-waffle, he dutifully did his turn:

From Puck News:

In between passing budgets, stiff-arming the Freedom Caucus, dodging Marjorie Taylor Greene’s attempted motion-to-vacate, and trying to sell himself as Congress’s great bipartisan hope, Mike Johnson has a new habit of “checking in” at political hot zones where House speakers historically do not go. A few weeks back, he popped up at Columbia University to condemn the pro-Palestinian protests and call for the resignation of the school’s president. Yesterday, he turned up at Trump’s criminal trial in lower Manhattan, leading a chorus of other high profile “surrogates” (Trump’s words) including Vivek and J.D. Vance, all wearing the Trump uniform of blue suits and red ties, to decry the ex-president’s prosecution. In a speech without precedent for a sitting speaker, Johnson opined from the courthouse steps that the judicial system is “corrupt” and the hush money case against Trump is a “sham.” (Tina Nguyen)

From the Atlantic:

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, who quite famously opposes pornography on religious grounds, nevertheless accompanied the man accused of cheating on his wife with a porn star to his trial yesterday. Outside the building, Johnson told reporters that the case is a “sham” and a “ridiculous prosecution.” At Monday’s session, Senators Tommy Tuberville of Alabama and J. D. Vance of Ohio apparently adopted the roles of Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot for the event, each offering running commentary on the “dingy” courtroom, with its “depressing” vibes; the disturbing number of mask-wearing attendees; and the “psychological torture” being inflicted on Trump (who, as a reminder, has been charged with 34 felonies in this case alone).

On Thursday, he was joined by a full dozen deplorables…

You might be wondering: Don’t these people have anything better to do? The answer is that, in today’s Republican Party, prostration before Trump is as much part of the job as anything else.

(and)

All of this showboating has been happening for several reasons. “At its most tangible level, what we’re seeing is a work-around to the gag order,” (Sarah Isgur, a former senior spokesperson for the Trump-era Justice)

Look, Mike Johnson is a particularly smarmy motherfucker. He is so deep in his Christian cosplay that he and his son have apps on their phones to alert the other if either of them so much as looks at a thirst trap, or even more tawdry things like (shhh) porn.

This man is so repressed, so deep in the closet that you know he likes ‘em young, and yet there he is, talking to the press, outside of a court where the Mango Mussolini is being tried for paying off a porn star for about 30 seconds of very pathetic intercourse.

You almost wonder what mental gymnastics he is doing to justify this?

That is my Human Garbage of the week.

But, as Billy Mayes would say, “Wait, there’s MORE” …

Ronnie (little)De Santis

One doesn’t have to be more than casually cognizant of the news to recognize that the state that is America’s dangly bit, Florida, is being deeply affected by the effects of climate change, be it regular flooding on the coastal areas, or ever more frequent landfall and damage from hurricanes that are growing in intensity and frequency, leading to more major insurers bailing on the state.

One would expect the chief executive of the state to be on top of this.

But if you did, you would be wrong…

DeSantis signs bill scrubbing ‘climate change’ from Florida law

Tiny-D DeSantis is turning this into a culture war play, stripping state action to reduce impact from climate change, and instead to become an ostrich with its head in the sand:

This fellow is running to get the fuck out of Florida!

“The legislation I signed today [will] keep windmills off our beaches, gas in our tanks, and China out of our state,” the governor said, according to the DeSantis-friendly outlet Florida’s Voice, which was the first to report that he had signed the bill. “We’re restoring sanity in our approach to energy and rejecting the agenda of the radical green zealots.”

Supporters say the new law helps the state prioritize a concern of Floridians — energy affordability, which they say is threatened by excessive regulation. But some climate advocates said the measure is largely symbolic and would have little effect on Florida’s shift toward renewable energy. Solar power is booming in the state and, despite Republican lawmakers’ desire to curb construction of wind turbines, Florida isn’t windy enough to have piqued the wind industry’s interest.

Great job ace. Way to virtue signal, you fucking snowflake.

For this, Ron DeSantis is our first runner up, and also is Human Garbage.

But then KC Chief player Harrison Butker says “hold my beer”…

Bonus: Harrison Butker proves he is an oxygen thief

Apparently Benedictine College in Kansas chose to invite this poor excuse of a human to speak at their commencement ceremony. Of course, who the fuck wants a nobody pro-footballer to speak at their graduation?

Not me, but, I dunno.

Look, I could write about what he said, and why it is fucked up, I couldn’t even hold a candle to the treatment by Liz, friend of the page, so I encourage you to read her take here:

Harrison Butker: Project 2025's mascot.

She fucking NAILS it, so go read that, and toss her some love by subscribing.

This week has been a bountiful crop of fuckery, and I have no reason to expect that next week will be any less fuck-tastic.

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