On Introverts
Extroverts, we are not broken, and we do not need your pity or help. We like who we are. Deal with it!
I woke up wayyyyyyy to early this morning, and while I was scrolling through the news, I stumbled across this article on the Washington Post: Covid flipped the introvert-extrovert script. And I hate it.
If you read it, it is a screed by an extrovert and how they are really disappointed that they can’t get their introverted friends to go out to clubs, events, gatherings. Further, she seems to be frustrated that after getting her “introverted” friends out to an event, she was horrified when the friend said that they couldn’t do that again for at least a month.
Hello, capital ‘I’ introvert here, and reading how extroverts feel the need to “drag” us to public events for our own good.
Fuck that. Fuck that noise hard.
The reality is that extroverts get energy from group engagements, feeding from the energy in the group dynamics. But that energy has to come from somewhere. As a person who has a degree in physics, I can assure you that energy is conserved. If someone is “gaining” energy, then someone has to “lose” that energy.
Guess who loses the energy? If you guessed “the introverts” give yourself a gold star.
I can assure you that as an introvert, public events with people is a huge amount of work. It is massively draining, and it takes a ton of time to recharge.
Look, I am a product manager, so I have to work close with people, to attend trade shows and work the booth, to talk to hundreds of people about the company, the products, and how the person I talk to would use it to benefit.
I am good at that, but it is not natural to me, it is a learned skill, and it takes a ton out of my psyche.
Seriously, it can take weeks to get back to normal.
And what is it with extroverts who feel compelled to “fix” their introverted friends and colleagues? Seriously, we’re not broken, we don’t need to be fixed.
My wife is an extrovert. For years she kept prodding and trying to get me “out of my shell”, frustrated that when she did get me to an event, I was quickly looking for the exit, wanting to leave after being drained.
She finally realized that I was how I was, and that it was not good to try to change me. Sure, I could put on a front, and mingle when necessary. Hell, my profession taught me how to harness my introversion and channel it in controlled doses to great effect.
Yet, that also drives long and lengthening recovery periods.
I hate clubs. I hate crowds. I hate idle chit-chat in groups. Covid made it acceptable to not engage, and hell yeah, I took advantage of that, and will continue.
Aside: Many people go to bars to socialize. I have NEVER gone to a bar to socialize, I used to go to bars to get completely wrecked.
If you are an extrovert, trying to “fix” your introverted colleagues/friends/associates is fucking terrible. They aren’t broken, and they DO NOT need to be your source of energy.
Seriously, stop that shit. We do not care that you want to spend more time with us. We will engage when we want to, and your pressure to drag us out will lead to us just drifting away … forever.
That article? Cry me a fucking river, build a bridge and get over it.