This Fucking Guy: Kathleen Parker, again, again

I swear I don't go looking for this shit, it just falls in my fucking lap. Kathleen Parker lands a third This Fucking Guy posts. A record that may never be eclipsed.

I was glancing at the Post, and this assaulted my eyeballs. Holy shit-snacks, this is going to be a bad take.

“Biden has a woman problem — or two — in the White House”, are you fucking kidding me? This new-libertarian hack once again has thoughts? And by thoughts, I mean she opened her maw and her brains (what remains of them anyway) came dribbling out like the after-spit from a vomitorium sesh.

With so much in flux, this column could be overwhelmed by events, but a few things bear saying. Let’s start with the sudden post-debate recognition among Democrats that Joe Biden isn’t quite up to speed. Really? He wasn’t exactly hitting on all cylinders during his third run for president in 2020.

Biden was jauntier back then, sure. But consider this headline from March 2021, two months after he was inaugurated: “Biden ‘just fine’ after tripping 3 times jogging up steps to Air Force One.” Subhead: “The White House blamed the incident on high winds and a ‘misstep.’”

After the debate last week, the same propaganda team attributed Biden’s “faltering” performance to a cold. A few days later, they said he was suffering jet lag — from a trip to Europe two weeks earlier. No, what happened to Biden was obvious to anyone watching. He was spacing out and mumbling answers because it looked to me like his occipital lobe, fusiform gyrus, hippocampus and temporal gyrus weren’t communicating.

She should hope that this one falls by the wayside. Look, I have done a lot of international travel (albeit not in my own tricked out 747) and even one month I did three back and forth trips from San Francisco to Tokyo¹. You know what? I was in a fog, and that was when I was in my mid 30’s.

So Kathleen can fuck right off.

But you know what? If you can’t blame Biden directly, it is totally not girl-on-girl misogyny to excoriate Jill Biden and Kamala Harris (did you know that Harris is B L A C K? Oh the horror) over their being somewhat protective of Biden, who is doing a pretty kick-ass job of running the country.

I mean, her mean girls wannabe-ism comes out clearly:

Jill Biden has appeared for a while to be running the show and, therefore, the country — though I don’t recall seeing her name on the 2020 ballot. It’s clear she is pushing her husband to stay in the race, probably not eager to retreat to Delaware with a man whose years have caught up with him. It happens. Age sweeps in the front door and, faster than you can say “Scranton,” turns a previously vigorous, intelligent person into a stranger content to watch dust particles do the hokey pokey in a shaft of sunlight.

Never mind the stroke-of-midnight end to first ladies’ status — the White House residence, staff, stylists and magazine covers. It was for former first ladies that “Cinderella” was written.

I am getting serious Right Wing hit jobs on Hillary Clinton vibes from that. That paragraph is doing some mighty heavy fucking lifting right there.

Biden, as nearly everyone has noted, couldn’t form intelligible sentences. At times, he entered the stare zone where the brain searches desperately for a GPS to tell him where he is. As I’ve written during the past 3½ years, it was painful to watch. Almost as painful as listening to Kamala D. Harris try to ground her thoughts in sentences. Most of the time, she sounds as though she’s leading a séance. A speech she gave at Howard University last year makes the point:

“So I think it’s very important — as you have heard from so many incredible leaders — for us, at every moment in time, and certainly this one, to see the moment in time in which we exist and are present, and to be able to contextualize it, to understand where we exist in the history and in the moment as it relates not only to the past, but the future,” she said-ish.

A four-minute, viral video recently in circulation on X shows her repeating a phrase that she seems to like — a lot — in numerous settings. I didn’t count the number of times she said some variation of “what can be, unburdened by what has been,” in those four minutes, but the woman gets credit for being able to inject dramatic earnestness into words of which even she, surely, has wearied.

A lot to unpack there, but I am beginning to think she doesn’t like the veep, and the cherry on top is referring to a likely hacked up viral video on Twitter². But she sure seems to have spent a lot of time tracking down public appearances of VP Harris.

Look Ms. Parker, I am sorry you were born without a Y chromosome, and you have serious pee-pee envy, but you really need to climb off that hobby-horse.

For the sake of the country, I hope she’s more than she appears to be. And I hope Jill will take Joe home while he can leave with his dignity mostly intact. But my lingering fear is that Trump will be president again — not despite Harris but because of her.

Nah, it is not your fear, you relish the idea of daddy Trump back in the oval office, desecrating the resolute desk. But do keep telling us how you fear it. Your tears help me lubricate my bicycle chain.

Final notes: the comments are about as you would expect, plenty of people taking her to task.

Way to read the room Kathleen, but then again, this is how you have been a three time winner of “This Fucking Guy” even without the Y chromosome.

Well done.

1. Yes, the same meals, the same movies, and the same flight attendants. It was a brutal February. Oh, did I forget to mention that this was in the 28 day month? Yeah, it was brutal

2. I can’t look at that video as I block all things Twitter/X at my internet router, as well as in my hosts files. Fuck Musk.

---